What are the keys to success in life?

Dear Filipino,
 

(Source: The Diplomatic Wife Blog.)

O Master, let me talk with thee, and pray tell, what are the keys to success really?

Thy humble servant,
MuQ (Made-up Questioner)

Dear MuQ,

Ah, your timing is impeccable, my friend!  I was just meaning to write about success because three "Filipinos" who exemplify the keys to success I wanted to talk about have been in the news lately.  So, without further ado, here's...

The first key: Genes. 

My dear MuQ, I know it's painful to hear for some, but there's just no getting around to it.  I mean, it's either you're beautiful or you're not; you're tall or you're not; you're model material or you're not.  And if you're beautiful, you're tall and you're model material, why, you can be the world's supermodel, of course!

And that's just what happened to our 5'9"" beauty, Danica Flores Magpantay, 17, who was recently declared winner of the 2011 Ford Supermodel of the World competition held in New York last Saturday, January 22.  Established by Eileen Ford in 1980, the Ford Supermodel of the World is reputed to be the largest and most prestigious international modeling competition in the world.

Besting more than 70 contestants from all over the world, the Fine Arts student from the University of the Philippines has the perfect genes because she is the daughter of Milagros “Lala” Flores, herself the winner of the Supermodel of the World Philippines in 1990.

But I'm sure you want to ask: "What do you do if, let's say, you want to beat the very best in something but you don't really have the perfect genes for it?  Do you just give up?"

No, of course not, dear student.  In fact, that question leads me to...

The second key:  Hard work.

By hard work, I mean, of course, you need to do what you need to do to be good at what you do.  That means practice, practice, practice.  Because if you practice hard enough, if you put in the work, nothing will faze you.  You'll be confident, you won't second-guess yourself, and you won't get rattled by anything and anyone when the moment of truth comes -- even if you're just, well, a "nobody" and you're going against the very best in a contest in which your opponents are the biggest celebrities and are being paid millions to be good at it: e.g., shoot balls.

This is exactly what Ricardo Reyes figured out early on.  Ricardo is only a busboy at Barney's Beanery in West Hollywood but after practicing during every break he got over the past 10 years, he humbled the biggest basketball professionals in Jimmy Kimmel Live!'s "Pop-a-Shot Challenge."

Lebron James came first, and Ricardo, wearing his trademark apron and unruffled demeanor, simply annihilated the self-proclaimed King, 72-42:



Another basketball royalty, Sir Charles Barkley, was next, and the result was the same -- a royal kicking in the fanny -- this time at 85-51:



Next up was Kobe Bryant, the reigning Finals MVP, who impressively put up a challenge but was still clearly overmatched, with the score settling at 82-58:



Now, one would think that other NBA professionals would have learned their lesson by this time, but Lamar Odom wanted to impress his Kardashious wife so badly that he almost lost her to The Man, 84-35:



Finally, the last challenger put up by Jimmy Kimmel was Carmelo Anthony.  The result was predictable, with Ricardo winning the match 72-38.  The comedian, bless his heart, had something up his sleeve though, and rewarded the unsuspecting Ricardo a beautiful red Ford Mustang.  Watch:



But MuQ, I hope you noticed that I placed the word Filipinos found in my very first paragraph in quotation marks.  What was my reason for that?

Well, very simple really: Despite Philippine Star's heart-warming news article dated January 19, 2011, and entitled "Fil-Am busboy outshoots Kobe," and many other Filipino articles and blogs similarly claiming the kababayan connection with him, the truth is, Ricardo is actually not Filipino. 

You heard it right here, MuQ: Ricardo is named like an ordinary Filipino and he looks like an ordinary Filipino, so many Filipinos assumed he's Filipino.  Can't blame them because the story is just such a feel-good, made-for-TV story.  But the guy is actually Mexican! 

Yes, according to Chris Ballard of Sports Illustrated, Ricardo left Mexico City and migrated to the US about 20 years ago.

But just to make sure, I contacted Ricardo's manager, AJ Sacher, to confirm.  AJ's response?  "He's whatever you want him to be. :0"

Given AJ's response and since I'm The Filipino, I officially declare Ricardo "Honorary Filipino" on this blog.  And if anybody's got a problem with that, they know how to reach me.

Now, where are we?  Oh, right, the keys to success. 

MuQ, even if you have the genes, even if you put in all the hard work, you still need...

The third key: Luck.

Yes, MuQ: Luck is key.  Because to succeed, you need the stars to align for you; you need the gods to smile at you; you need divine intervention.

Most especially if you're going against priests!

That's what happened to Dr. A. Gabriel Esteban, who was appointed last January 11 as President of Seton Hall University, the oldest diocesan university in the United States.

Dr. Esteban has the genes: You see, both his parents were educators.  And before you get me wrong, let me tell you without equivocation that gleaning from Dr. Esteban's impressive credentials, I know he has also put in a lot of hard work.  After all, he had served a number of institutions prior to Seton Hall with distinction; he had provided exemplary leadership as university provost; and he had attended Harvard University’s Graduate School of Education as well as completed the Japan Management Program at the Japan-America Institute for Management Science.  He also holds a Ph.D. from the Graduate School of Management at the UC Irvine, an M.S. in Japanese Business Studies from Chaminade University in Honolulu, and an M.B.A. and B.S. in Mathematics from the University of the Philippines.

Where's the divine intervention?

According to the New York Times, last spring, the university was looking for a new president and it had named two finalists for the job, both of whom were Catholic priests in keeping with the university's bylaws.  But for some unexplained and miraculous reason, both priests withdrew from consideration, forcing the search to start over.

Now what? 

Well, at the time, Dr. Esteban was the interim president and he impressed officials of the university so much that the university's Board of Regents unanimously voted to appoint him President following a resolution passed by the university's Board of Trustees creating an exception in his favor.

(Source: NY Times.)

Didn't I say gods have to smile at you?

And if you're a skeptic, let me assure you, Dr. Esteban's accomplishment is nothing to sneeze at.  According to Wikipedia:

Seton Hall is made up of nine different schools and colleges with an undergraduate enrollment of about 5,200 students and a graduate enrollment of about 4,500. Its School of Law, which is ranked by US News & World Report as one of the top 100 law schools in the nation, has an enrollment of about 1,200 students. For 2009, BusinessWeek's "Colleges with the Biggest Returns" ranked Seton Hall among the top 50 universities in the nation that open doors to the highest salaries. Seton Hall's Stillman School of Business is ranked 56 out of the top 100 undergraduate business schools and #1 in the state of New Jersey according to BusinessWeek.

Since its founding in 1856, the university has produced numerous heads of major businesses and institutions, professional athletes, members of the US Congress, and countless other well-known personalities and politicians, including the current New Jersey governor, Gov. Chris Christie, who is believed to be a possible candidate for the Republican presidential primary next year. 

So there you go, MuQ -- the keys to success: Genes, hard work and luck.  And since the second key is the only one you can really control of the three, you better work your fanny off to succeed in L-I-F-E!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to practice my shooting for Pop-a-Shot.

Got a question for The Filipino?  Email him now at askthepinoy@gmail.com.

To chew or not to Chua? To know or not to Nora?

Dear Filipino,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on various subjects and issues you discuss courageously in your blog.  I have shared your posts with some of my friends.  Those who have seen them have been impressed, and your readership I’m pretty sure has increased.  (You may want to start soliciting for advertisers – you deserve some income from this.) 

Anyway, I want to share my thoughts with you on some subjects you broached in your blog, and towards the end, ask you another "profound and complicated question."

Reading and chewing on your articles on Amy Chua have caused me mixed emotions and feelings – disgust and hatred, bordering on admiration and awe.  I have never heard of her previously, but Wikipedia has provided me enough general background about her, and it's quite impressive.  She graduated cum laude from Harvard Law School with a Doctor of Jurisprudence degree, worked as a corporate law associate, taught at Duke Law School, and currently is a distinguished professor of law at Yale Law School – all these perhaps a product of her own intellect and extreme conditioning from her Chinese Filipino parents.

Since she takes her maiden name, not unlike many Western professional women, and since she seems to be into parenting and perhaps not into women’s liberation, I am not sure I know how to address her properly.  Should it be "Miss Chua" -- but she’s not single?  Or "Mrs. Chua" -- but she is not her mother?  Or "Ms. Chua" -- but she may resent that?  Therefore, I have decided to just address her as Chua.  Tells you what I know about proper etiquette in addressing women; with men, it's simpler -- just call them "Mister."

On the Vengeful Majority

As much as I like to read, mostly mysteries, spy stories, lawyer stories, some classics and literature, some autobiographies, some histories, I have never read any of Chua’s books.  And she had written 3 books:  the first book is World on Fire: How Exporting Free Market Democracy Breeds Ethnic Hatred and Global Instability; the second book is Day of Empire: How Hyperpowers Rise to Global Dominance – and Why They Fall; and finally Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, which is currently causing a lot of controversies due to its extreme parenting method, its comparison to Western and other parenting methods, and Chua’s claim that Chinese parenting method is superior to others.  Guess these books did not belong to my list of desired topics and stories, fiction or otherwise.

Through your blog, I was able to read her essay on “Vengeful Majorities,” apparently with excerpts from her World on Fire book.  Some say this essay has been sensationalized to gain readership for her book and therefore increase its profitability – just like any other effort or action by any company or corporation with the bottom line being dollars and cents.  My money will probably not be used to buy her books, though I heard most parts of the books were intellectually written and show her knowledge of globalization and the law.

As I read that essay, I was totally shocked when she wrote very early in the essay in regards to her aunt’s murder: “For the Chinese, luck is a moral attribute, and a lucky person would never be murdered.  Like having a birth defect, or marrying a Filipino, being murdered is shameful.”  I was appalled and totally surprised by this statement and was hoping she was only being satirical and that she would recant it later.  But no such ‘luck,’ and as a matter of fact, Chua seemed to have justified the killing by saying: “But poverty by itself does not make people kill.  To poverty must be added indignity, hopelessness and grievance.”  Nothing can justify a killing, neither can one justify rudeness.

She repeated many times how her family, which belonged to the market-dominant minority in the Philippines, lived in a very exclusive, all-Chinese, luxurious, gated and guarded enclave, walled off from the Filipino masses.  And how they have bank accounts in various places in the US and had safety deposit boxes full of gold bars.  (I hope they reported their income, both foreign and local, to the Philippine Bureau of Internal Revenue.)  But then she related about her aunt stuffing her Gucci purse with free packets of ketchup when they ate at McDonald’s – sounds like petty thievery to me at a place I would never guess they dined.
 
Also, I don’t understand why her family’s splendid hacienda-style house in Manila in this exclusive Chinese enclave has servants' quarters where the poor, ignorant, ethnic Filipino servants sleep on a dirt floor.  When I was growing up in the Philippines, we were not rich, not even remotely close to the Chua’s wealth, but we also had some helpers and they were provided with decent accommodations and, God forbid, they never slept on the dirt floor, not that we had any.  But I digress, and rightfully so, since I seem to have noticed too many inconsistencies on her story.  Considering how intelligent Chua is, I don’t understand the inconsistencies.  Maybe I misunderstood, or perhaps I’m just getting petty. 

But can one blame my pettiness if somebody compares being married to your compatriot similar to having a birth defect?  Which reminds me how beautiful Filipinos are, of course for both sexes.  Look at how many Filipinas have been Miss Universe -- two in the last count, and an additional five Miss Philippines have been semifinalists.  How many of Chua’s Chinese were Miss Universe?  None that I know of, not even as semifinalists -- but that’s of course a cruel thing to say since I know a lot of pretty Chinese women and good-hearted Chinese Filipinos.

On The Tiger Mother

And then finally, here is Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, purporting how Chua’s Chinese method of parenting is superior to the Western method and, of course, to all other Asian countries.  Chua may be too smart to know that she may not be right the way she’s raising her children.  Reminds me of a Machiavellian pragmatism -- "the end justifies the means" -- though I don’t think I agree with it.  I cringed when her dad told her "to not ever disgrace him ever again" after she got only second prize in a national history competition, but she seemed to have justified that too.  She said she knew her father loved her and that he just wanted her to try her very best since he knew she was the best.  Imagine being the best among 6.8 billion people in the world: That’s such a prestigious honor, but really scary and so stressful – almost like Manny Pacquiao (yes, Chua, can you believe Pacquiao is an ethnic Filipino boxer?) being the greatest fighter ever in this world.

How does one maintain to be the best the world?  I’m realistic and I know I will never know.  I just want to be the best I can be.  But Chua certainly has a different outlook in life than most of us mortals.  That’s her family’s life philosophy and she certainly has the inalienable right to defend it – but then again it is her family and I’m glad not mine.  Life is too short to try to achieve perfection all the time – we need to aim for it but we should enjoy the trip.

On Our Filipino Way of Parenting

Briefly, allow me to tell you my own experience in raising two children here in America.  Like a lot of young engineers in the late 1960s, I immigrated to the US, met my future wife, got married, finished an advanced degree, and worked for a major US corporation.  We were blessed with a girl and a boy, and since we did not have extended family and since my new job moved us to a location where there was only one other Filipino family in town, we were left on our own to find the right methodology in parenting. 

Of course, we were neither experts nor very educated in parenting, but we used some of the lessons we learned from our own parents, picked up the good, and downplayed the ones we were not enthusiastic about.  Raising kids in America was more of a challenge relative to raising children in the old country.  This was a different culture and we did not have the presence of lots of relatives to provide some guidance and help.  What we tried to instill to our children was to do the best they could without threat of punishment.  We were not into extremism.  I was more like a "be happy and enjoy" guy and still am, although my wife was a little stricter but reasonable.  The way we raised our kids was to let them get into activities they liked, and we found out they excelled on things they wanted to do. Luckily, they were good kids and conscientious students too.  They also made mistakes along the way, but that was part of growing up and quite natural – and we were there to support them when they did, providing them with unconditional love, and just hoping that they would learn from their mistakes.

The girl excelled in dancing, gymnastics and piano, with no coercion from us but lots of support.  She was also an "A" student from the early stages of learning, garnered a BS in Sociology, then an MS in Medical Sciences, an MD degree, a residency, and finally a fellowship on her specialization – all at prestigious universities and institutions.  She is now a specialist surgeon in her field of expertise. 

The boy was a bit of a late bloomer, but also became an "A" student in high school through hard work.  He studied piano and saxophone but drifted to sports as he grew up.  He finished a BSME and an MBA degree also at prestigious universities, and now has a responsible job in a private corporation.  He married his college sweetheart who is also a lawyer and works for the federal government.  They have two little boys, our only two grandchildren – our pride and joy.

Our goals in raising our children were similar to those of Chua’s Chinese parents, but our approach was quite different.  Of course, we tried to instill in the kids when they were growing up to work to the best of their abilities.  Most of all, we thought we have to show that we love and will always support them and that was the most important thing in our lives and none of this ‘Chua’s Chinese disgrace’ nonsense.  In addition, since our ancestry came from a different culture and country, I urged them to be better than their American friends so they can feel equal with them (this was my own hang-up – I always knew I was just as good if not better than anybody else).  I’m not sure they understood that, but I know they are now doing well in their chosen professions and lives.

On The Philippine Economy

One has to remember that the United States really helped rebuild Japan after defeating it in World War II, while the Philippines which was an ally was not given the same treatment.  Despite this, the Philippines had the highest literacy rate in Southeast Asia during the mid-to-late 20th century.  It had an economy second only to Japan, ahead of Singapore and much better than South Korea and other neighboring countries.   It had prestigious universities where foreigners attended, taking advantage of their programs which could compete with the best of the best.  (Chua's essay reminded me of some Chinese classmates at the University of the Philippines; they did not speak Tagalog and they probably lived in the same enclave where the Chuas lived.  And though they were good students, they were not in the high percentile of our class.  I do digress again, but I’m just trying to show those critical intellectual ingrates that Filipinos can compete with anyone given the opportunity.)

In any case, as cronyism and corruption became rampant in the Philippines, perhaps fueled by briberies from the market-dominant minority to which Chua's Chinese family belong, the Philippine economy was fleeced bone-dry and the country fell to the bottom of the economic ladder in the region.  (By the way, another important point about the poor ethnic Filipinos that Chua always and relentlessly alluded to in her writings: Don't these impoverished people provide the clientele for the Chua companies to keep them reaping all those profits which make them market dominant or shamelessly rich?)

While things are beginning to change again with Pres. Aquino, all we can really do is just try to help in any way we can, pray, and hope fervently that the country will indeed recover and be what it once was -- and perhaps even better.  And I hope the market-dominant Chinese Filipinos will also do their part.

Finally: My Profound and Complicated Question

You know, I also just want to ask: Do you personally know, and are you really friends with, Nora Aunor?  :-)

Best regards to The Filipina and your family,

Pinoy na Inhenyerong Suya Sa Tsinitang Off-putting (aka "PISST OFF")

Dear PISST OFF,

(Source: Video48)

Thank you for your support for this blog and your comments.  Wow -- Chua must have rankled you real bad to write the above. ;-)

But to answer your question, of course, I know who Nora Aunor is!  I mean, who doesn't, right?  A true morena and Bicolana, she is an uragon actress who bested dragon ladies by topping the Ten Best Asian Actresses of the Decade poll for the 2010 Green Planet Movie Awards which was held in Los Angeles, California.  The other 9 Asian actresses who also made it to the elite list include Zhang Ziyi (China), Gong Li (China), Maggie Cheung (China), Nae Yuki (Japan), Angelica Lee (China), Hye-Soo Kim (Korea), Yaqing Jin (China), Yoon-jin Kim (Korea), and Rinko Kikuchi (Japan).

And you know what too?  Because she has made my mother and aunts very happy as her fans with her remarkable decades-long acting (and singing) career, I consider her a friend.  And until she unfriends me on Facebook, I'll proudly trumpet to the world that I'm her friend, too -- regardless if that profile of hers on FB is the real Nora or not. ;-)

Got a question for The Filipino?  Email him now at askthepinoy@gmail.com.

Are Chinese mothers really superior in raising kids?

Dear Filipino,

Hey, thanks for sharing with me that Wall Street Journal article about "why Chinese mothers are superior."  I'm torn about it because there are definitely merits to both "Western" and "Eastern" styles of parenting, and of course, there's a wide spectrum of sub-styles under each.  Personally, I just hope that we keep working and trying to be good parents so that our kids will grow up to be happy, healthy and successful individuals. 

But what about you -- what do you think of the article? 

The Filipina

Dear Ina Ng Aking Mga Anak,

I shared that with you because in all my years reading the Wall Street Journal online, I've never, ever seen an article which has garnered as much comments as it has in such a short period of time.  So I'm glad you found it thought-provoking.

(From WSJ.com: Amy Chua with her kids.)

But let's not overlook the obvious:  The author, Amy Chua, wrote that provocative title and big teaser of an article because she's looking to sell her latest book, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother."  And despite the withering criticisms engendered by that article in the comments section, it definitely has some gems, especially because she seems to be successful at everything she does.  I mean, she's a Yale Law professor who writes books and spends that much time with her high-achieving kids too?

In any case, one thing I know is that it's really tough to be a parent.  It's particularly more difficult for me: I didn't grow up with a father because, as you know, he died when I was just a baby.  So, yeah, it's very difficult.  I mean, you're always wondering whether you're doing a good enough job for the kids, being there enough, preparing them well enough for life, shielding them enough, exposing them enough, letting them find their own selves enough, educating them enough, disciplining them enough, pushing them enough, hugging them enough, showing them we love them enough, etc.  And that's just for starters! 

So you're right: We can only try to do our best.  And I'm just actually thankful that you're there to serve as the Ilaw Ng Tahanan, among the many other things you do for our family. 

By the way, I think the following poem on parenting by Kahlil Gibran, the third best-selling poet of all time behind only Shakespeare and Lao Tzu, is instructive:

On Children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. 

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Got a question for The Filipino?  Email him now at askthepinoy@gmail.com.

NOTE:  This is still a developing story so I will be posting updates on this topic in the comments section.

Here's Prof. Chua in her appearance at The Today Show:

Q: How do you know you've achieved global immortality and rare celebrity status?
A: If you've had an animation clip made about you by Taiwan-based NMA.



Got a question for The Filipino?  Email him now at askthepinoy@gmail.com.

The Filipina's Take
(15 January 2011)

After reading several articles that discussed the essay, I was left with a very ugly feeling about our very sensationalist American media which obviously put together controversial parts of a book in order to get increased readership by portraying a very explosive angle, regardless of how different it is from what the author originally intended.

The huge number of comments is obviously caused by so many factors. One thing I noticed though is that the most passionate comments came from females. Maybe some will say that women are catty by nature, but it’s obviously more than that. (Actually, without having to open her mouth or write, I’m sure Chua was already making a lot of women feel much less accomplished and small. After all, she’s a fit, good-looking working mom, an Ivy League graduate with a great career as a law professor, who writes books on the side and claims to spend a lot of time with her kids; now, she's also portrayed as having a “superior” parenting style, too?)

It's tough to be a woman in today's modern world.  As discussed in an academic paper entitled The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness, a study found that “[t]he increased opportunity to succeed in many dimensions [for women] have led to an increased likelihood of believing that one’s life is not measuring up.” In other words, women today are faced with ever-increasing pressure to do well across several fronts, which leads to additional stress and unhappiness. Whether intended or otherwise, Chua’s article, despite her subsequent disclaimers, actually makes things worse for some women because it now introduces a purported superior parenting standard that they somehow need to measure up to.

Without reading the book and just judging from the articles and blogs I read, I can say that Amy’s story actually shows the challenges of a parent who was raised with a different set of values ("Chinese") and was faced with the choice of embracing the values of another culture, i.e., those of the larger American society. And by writing about the stark differences of the two “competing” philosophies, Chua, through the article, may have inadvertently hit women belonging to several camps: the stay-at-home moms who now have to contend with another “role model” whom they feel they will inevitably be compared to; the working moms who already feel guilty that they are not doing enough by their kids or spending more time with them; the Asian women who hate their Asian mothers for subscribing to similarly strict parenting techniques; the permissive moms who are already tired of being lectured to for being unable to control their kids; and the other so-called Western moms who are now probably feeling some pressure to rethink their fundamental values. And with China having an economy growing blindingly fast and seemingly accomplishing modern feats which shame the US, Chua’s timing could not be worse for these women. It’s almost like being in a kindergarten playground with a kid sticking her tongue out saying, “See, you’re not good enough!”  It's almost not surprising that Chua is getting death threats!

Because each culture comes with its unique traits, passions, values and set of priorities, stereotypes are legion. But these stereotypes, by definition, are not entirely unfounded. Personally, I’ve seen Korean parents, known for being hard-nosed when it comes to academics, shuttle their children to after-school learning centers so that their kids can do extra assignments and stay ahead of the curve. I’ve witnessed a white suburban father, who, to many Asians, represents that baseball-obsessed Caucasian, yell at his 5-year-old in little league, calling the boy an ‘a--’ because the child appeared to have a very low attention span on the field.  I’ve seen African American parents, thinking of sports scholarships and pro careers for their kids, shuttle their pre-teens between basketball and football, as well as travel across the country to watch their sons play in tournaments. I’ve seen parents who choose to coach just so they can dictate the number of practices and have better control over picking the team rotation so their kids are paired with the better players. In other words, I’ve seen parents of different colors bend over backwards for their kids because they valued something which they wanted to impart to their children, hoping, like all parents do, for their children to get ahead of their competition.

I do see merit in being strict and teaching your children the value of hard work and perseverance. I also subscribe to the notion that there is no skill that cannot be learned over time; with enough practice, one born without talent can match someone with inborn talent.  And I don’t think it helps parents when we take our kids to, say, baseball and at the end of the season, all the kids get a trophy just for participating, ostensibly so that they don’t lose their morale. Whatever happened to giving trophies only to the most valuable player and certificates of participation to the rest?

As a parent, if you don’t teach your kids that it’s not good enough to get a B, what happens when they get their first job and realize that rating, ranking and pay are dependent on their performance?  Do you just sit back and encourage mediocrity and hope that they will always just fall in the middle of the pack? Or worse, see them come back home to you because they got fired for underperformance?  At that point, it’s already too late.

My point, of course, is that you can’t expect to do well without putting in any effort.  Of course, I don’t subscribe to the extreme techniques because I think that at some point you have to strike a balance. Of course, there’s room for creativity and allowing the children to explore other activities. After all, if you want to instill the passion for music, piano and violin are not the only instruments; if they were the only ‘right’ instruments and everybody only played them, none of us will ever enjoy the orchestra. If no one was allowed to go to school plays, none of us will enjoy West End or Broadway musicals.

In any case, being a mom is very difficult, period, and no matter what parenting technique you subscribe to, there will always be a criticism that you will find.  We all want the best for our kids and to a certain extent there is a tendency (knowingly and unknowingly) to mold them in our ‘own image and likeness’. In some cases, there is also the burden and hope that they can improve on our lot.  The fact that we bother reading about other people’s parenting styles indicates that the topic is important to us, at least enough to look at the debates out there, perhaps hoping to gain a nugget or two from them or get some validation that we are doing something right.

When I was pregnant with my first child, everyone and her grandma were quick to share their opinions about everything, and somehow the advice just never stopped coming, even well after the kids were born.  The best advice that I got was to listen to what the other person has to say, think about my personality and own unique ways, and then decide to use or discard the information received as necessary.  Because at the end of the day, decent parents will indeed do what they think is right to care for their kids' needs and equip them with the tools and skills they will need for the future.  Beyond this, parents can really only just hope that they will end up fortunate enough to have raised happy, healthy individuals who have a good sense of moral, ethical and social values.

Got a question for The Filipino?  Email him now at askthepinoy@gmail.com.

Will Filipinos ever be considered a "model" group?

Dear Filipino,

I am a second-generation Fil-Am who attended a reputable college, and I went to school with really smart folks (I didn't think I was any less smart by the way :-p).  I must admit though that I sort of felt "jealous" of the Indians, the Koreans, and the Chinese who many other students (including fellow Filipinos) and teachers considered the smartest and the "model" students.  Now, here's a somewhat "racist" question: Do you think that, as a group, we will ever belong in their ranks?

Chippy-shouldered Pinoy

Dear Chippy-shouldered,

I totally dig your question (it's not "racist" just race-related), but I'm kinda disappointed with it too.  Here's why: Coming from someone like you who supposedly went to a "reputable" college already, does this mean that many other Filipinos "below" your educational stature carry the same "baggage" -- i.e., "jealousy," or maybe, from the very premise of your question, even a sense of "inferiority" perhaps?

But first, let's give credit where credit is due.  I think the reason why US-based Asian Indians, Chinese and Koreans have seemingly outsized rates of representation in Ivy League colleges is because their cultures (at least, from what I can tell from my interactions with them in the US) value education more. Plus, of course, in the case of China and India, they are very populous countries so that naturally, they tend to send more people to US universities for higher education.  And not to diminish their smarts, they shine because, as they say, in China, even if you're one in a million, there's at least a thousand just like you. 

Additionally, the US-based Chinese/Korean/Indian parents, many of whom are recent immigrants and recruited to work in high-tech, push their kids to not be content with just complying with school curricula, so many of their kids also attend after-school tutorial classes, academic camps and what-not.  Yes, they probably know the US educational system is falling behind, so the kids are being asked to aim higher -- which, I think, is the right way to go.  They are also attuned to what's happening back in their own home countries (by this I'm referring to the intense competition to succeed in booming India, China and South Korea); thus, peer pressure among them to excel academically is likewise intense.  This dynamic has its obvious rewards, but like anything, also has its costs. (We don't have to go into this now because that is not part of your question.)

So if we want more academic achievers, we have to do more as a community.  We have to glorify academic achievement with even just a tenth of the passion we employ to glorify Manny Pacquiao's exploits or Charice Pempengco's.  We have to lessen the invidious impact of pop culture by shutting off TVs and monitoring our kids' Internet and cell phone use.  Our kids must be told to prioritize homework before hiphop, cellular chemistry before cellular phones, math book before Facebook.

I do have some US Census stats to make you a little prouder of our community (and which should tell you that we may be underrated as a group).  Here's one about educational attainment (note: click on the images to enlarge):

As you can see, we do fairly well, compared to the other Asian groups in education.  Our college graduation rate is almost double the national rate, and that's admirable. 

And it's important to impart the value of education because there really is a high correlation between education and income, and education and unemployment rate.  Here's one graphical proof:
 


(Source: American Century Blog)

 
And though less clearly shown, here's another proof:

Now, here's the BIG CAVEAT: The data in the immediately preceding graph is old and getting older; newer figures are available on Wikipedia and I'm glad we're faring even better.  But the data actually does not explain other factors affecting household incomes.  For instance, Filipinos are probably making more than the other Asian groups because we are heavily represented in the higher-paying health industry and because we, like Indians, have a better grasp of the English language, which give us an advantage over other Asian immigrants when it comes to landing jobs. (So a quick note to policy-makers in the Philippines: Do NOT water down English instruction in favor of Tagalization under the guise of "nationalism," without regard to the fact that the Philippines has more native non-Tagalog speakers than there are Tagalog speakers.)

But here's one graphic which I think shows that the "model minority theory" is in fact a myth and can be counterproductive and harmful:

As you can see, almost counter-intuitively, the Chinese and the Koreans (and, to a lesser degree, the Asian Indians) have higher levels of poverty compared to national rates -- and about double ours.  And this is why your question  reveals some ignorance or is at least inartful, because, by this measure at least, we, as a community, are not doing too badly even if there's much more need and room for improvement.  Heck, we can even stake a legitimate claim to being a "model group" in this regard.

And these graphs, collectively, is one reason why I don't believe in traditional notions of affirmative action anymore -- the one based on race, national origin or sex.  We are now heading into the second decade of the 21st century, and well past the era of pernicious discrimination and even race-related riots.  Sure, there should be affirmative action, but it should be based on membership in society's lowest economic strata, which unfortunately have been ballooning in size lately in America.  You and I must help to reverse this unwelcome trend, not just for the Filipino-American community but, more importantly, for the country which has benefited us greatly and which we now call home.

Got a question for The Filipino?  Email him now at askthepinoy@gmail.com.

Do Filipinos have their own script and do they still use it?

Dear Filipino,

I once passed by a "Filipino fiesta" near the Moscone Center/Yerba Buena Gardens [San Francisco, CA] and so I checked out some of the booths. I saw these pretty cool shirts being sold with all sorts of weird-looking "characters" -- I mean letters, not people :-) -- which I figured must be from your native alphabet.  Am I right?  If so, what do you call it and does anybody in the Philippines actually still use it?

Thanks in advance for your reply, bud!

Surfer Dude

Yo Surfer Dude!

"Surfer" as in "Internet surfer" or "surfer" as in "California surfer"?  If you're the latter, here's a link for you: The Top 10 Surf Sites in the Philippines as compiled by BISEAN.  Just thought you'd appreciate knowing there's quite a few surfing spots where I was originally from in case you find yourself feeling adventurous one of these days.

Baybayin (from The Bathala Project)

Now, on to your questions. 

You probably saw shirts with these characters found on the image on the left in that fiesta.  It is a writing system called Baybayin and it was widely used in the islands now called the Philippines even up until the 19th century.  More importantly, however, it was THE system of writing well before the Spaniards came and pretty much imposed the Latin alphabet (also called the Roman alphabet) on the natives they subjugated.  As such, some refer to the writing system as a "pre-Filipino" because the term from where "Filipino" was derived, "Filipinas," was itself coined by the Spaniards in honor of their king, King Philip II. (Noteworthy for Filipino Catholics: King Philip II was the son of Charles V, who was crowned Holy Roman Emperor by Pope Clement VII.) 

Mistakenly, others also refer to it as "Alibata," but this term is really a silly modern coinage by a member of the old National Language Institute, Paul R. Verzosa.  Why?  Because the term Alibata is a mash-up of alif, ba and ta, which are the first letters of the Arabic alphabet.  Now, Alibata would probably be fine for people who are fine with formally calling the Latin alphabet as "ABC"; however, the problem in this case is, Baybayin is NOT even based on Arabic!

In fact, Baybayin is a member of the Brahmic or Indic family of scripts, which is not only alphabetic but actually and, more importantly, syllabary in nature: i.e., the letters are actually symbols which represent syllables.

According to Paul Morrow, a respected researcher in the field:

The word baybayin is a Tagalog term that refers to all the letters used in writing a language, that is to say, an “alphabet” – although, to be more precise, the baybayin is more like a syllabary. It is from the root baybáy meaning, “spell.” This name for the old Filipino script appeared in one of the earliest Philippine language dictionaries ever published, the Vocabulario de Lengua Tagala of 1613. Early Spanish accounts usually called the baybayin “Tagalog letters” or “Tagalog writing.”...[T]he Visayans called it “Moro writing” because it was imported from Manila, which was one of the ports where many products from Muslim traders entered what are now known as the Philippine islands. The Bikolanos called the script basahan and the letters, guhit.

Now, here's the interesting part (for me at least):  Although I earlier mentioned that Baybayin was actually used by the natives up until the 19th century, implying thereby that it died, the alphabet is actually "being resurrected thanks to young soul searching Filipinos," according to Christian Cabuay of Baybayin.com.  This is especially true among the Filipino-Americans raised in the US, who seem to be yearning for meaningful cultural ties to their ancient forebears.  Hence, I think you will increasingly see not only Baybayin-inspired shirts in Filipino fiestas but also real "Filipino characters" with tattoos of the weird characters you mentioned, like this lady for instance:


Baybayin Tattoo (from pinoytattoos.com)

Now, The Filipino is not really too keen on tattoos, but he kinda likes this picture. ;-)

Got a question for The Filipino?  Email him now at askthepinoy@gmail.com.